Final Frontier
I've decided to adopt a new belief system. It's not as hard as it sounds - believe me. In my new belief system, NeoCons are actually from the planet Mars. Mars, you see, is really quite like earth - a brother planet, like an older brother planet that likes to kick the snot out of its kid brother planet.
See, Mars is way ahead of us technologically. They are adept at keeping us in the dark - ignorant of their vast civilization. Martians don't want to share the universe with us - for good reason. See, Mars developed its superior technology without the aid of warfare. Just as humanity has made most of its great leaps due to the pressures of wartime, Martians did it more quickly and entirely without bloodshed.
They think, quite rightly, that we are total barbarians. And they want to keep us down. Part of that it wrecking our Mars probes - which they keep doing.
But the other part is to manipulate us into becoming our worst enemies. Just when we were on the cusp of electing a man who stood for peace and reason, for science and for saving the planet, the Martians stepped in.
They know that with President Gore in office, the earth would reach a new golden age of scientific discovery and social harmony - and that scared them. So they activated their sleeper agents - the NeoCons.
These Martians - "illegal aliens" if you will - have one mission: derail world peace.
So, of course, they start with the last superpower. Upon stealing the presidential election, they immediately start building a $100 billion missile defense shield, knowing that if you build one of those, somebody will start building missiles that can get through it - it's just human nature. The nature that they despise.
And, plus, what a waste of $100 billion. It's win-win - for the Martians.
Their plan to further reduce America to poverty- and bring the global economy down with it - was being furthered quite nicely by the tax cuts for rich people and protectionist trade policies.
But when they got the intel reports in the months leading up to 9-11, they couldn't believe their luck. All they had to do was continue to ignore that Richard Clarke pest, and they'd have their excuse to bring the earth back a full century. One hundred years of human progress - or more - could be rolled back if only they could get bin Laden and his insane band of religious nuts to attack.
Success! Immediately, the Martians sprang to work. First - no tax hikes to pay for the war (bankruptcy here we come!). Then, they could use the terrorist threat to pull all sorts of things - rape the environment (check!), draw more cash as earmarks to crush the budget and pay off other Martian operatives (check!) and best of all - they didn't do a single thing to actually prevent another terror attack. Come on back, Osama! NeoCons miss you!
One of the coolest things has been the increase in religious rule by the NeoCon/Martian government. With the reduction in hard science being taught at all levels, there won't be the exploration of the solar system in the next few decades- if ever. The Earth people have done it themselves - they've self-stupefied!
I'm going to go into further detail about my Larouche-like New Theory of the World later. But ask yourself this: is there a better explanation for what has gone on than this one?
See, Mars is way ahead of us technologically. They are adept at keeping us in the dark - ignorant of their vast civilization. Martians don't want to share the universe with us - for good reason. See, Mars developed its superior technology without the aid of warfare. Just as humanity has made most of its great leaps due to the pressures of wartime, Martians did it more quickly and entirely without bloodshed.
They think, quite rightly, that we are total barbarians. And they want to keep us down. Part of that it wrecking our Mars probes - which they keep doing.
But the other part is to manipulate us into becoming our worst enemies. Just when we were on the cusp of electing a man who stood for peace and reason, for science and for saving the planet, the Martians stepped in.
They know that with President Gore in office, the earth would reach a new golden age of scientific discovery and social harmony - and that scared them. So they activated their sleeper agents - the NeoCons.
These Martians - "illegal aliens" if you will - have one mission: derail world peace.
So, of course, they start with the last superpower. Upon stealing the presidential election, they immediately start building a $100 billion missile defense shield, knowing that if you build one of those, somebody will start building missiles that can get through it - it's just human nature. The nature that they despise.
And, plus, what a waste of $100 billion. It's win-win - for the Martians.
Their plan to further reduce America to poverty- and bring the global economy down with it - was being furthered quite nicely by the tax cuts for rich people and protectionist trade policies.
But when they got the intel reports in the months leading up to 9-11, they couldn't believe their luck. All they had to do was continue to ignore that Richard Clarke pest, and they'd have their excuse to bring the earth back a full century. One hundred years of human progress - or more - could be rolled back if only they could get bin Laden and his insane band of religious nuts to attack.
Success! Immediately, the Martians sprang to work. First - no tax hikes to pay for the war (bankruptcy here we come!). Then, they could use the terrorist threat to pull all sorts of things - rape the environment (check!), draw more cash as earmarks to crush the budget and pay off other Martian operatives (check!) and best of all - they didn't do a single thing to actually prevent another terror attack. Come on back, Osama! NeoCons miss you!
One of the coolest things has been the increase in religious rule by the NeoCon/Martian government. With the reduction in hard science being taught at all levels, there won't be the exploration of the solar system in the next few decades- if ever. The Earth people have done it themselves - they've self-stupefied!
I'm going to go into further detail about my Larouche-like New Theory of the World later. But ask yourself this: is there a better explanation for what has gone on than this one?
posted by fiduciary at 6:17 PM
2 Comments:
One flaw in your logic though mate. If these martians were an advanced civilization that built itself through peace - they certainly wouldn't send a weapon as massively destructive as the Bush Neo-cons. They're a weapon too horrible for a peace-loving people to comprehend.
Speaking of monsters - shouldn't that suicide bomber in Afganistan have known that a Cheney can only be killed by a silver, stake through the heart, or magic?
Ah, yes, but Martians only see value intheir own lives - that's their fundemental flaw. Human life is disposable. The more bloody they can makethe erth, the weaker it becomes, and the more easily dominated by Mars.
Cheney is a very high-ranking Martian official. His corporial human body is disposable. As you indicate, he can only be killed by a stak through the heart, beheadingg, fire, silver, magic, or a bacon cheeseburger.
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