Guilty?

The papers this morning were full of the Aussie terrorist's guilty plea. See? They must have done the right thing by keeping him at Gitmo for five years. He plead guilty!

Of course, you might have plead out, too, if you were going to be banged up in Gitmo for the rest of your life. Now, at least, he has a chance to find an end date to his detention.

That is, also, how the Saudi "justice" system works. They hold a person and beat them and torture them and waterboard them (if they can find enough water) until they force a confession. They take you to a judge. If you recant your confession to the judge, back you go for more treatment.

And so on. They get all the confessions they need in Saudi Arabia.

Apparently, we do as well. We got David Hicks, after all.

It helped that the neocon-friendly PM of Aussie was putting pressure on his pal, the Boy King. After all, you can't administer justice until there is political pressure being applied. Justice is for newspaper cases and the rich, not dirty average Joe Islam.

But what's really rich in this tale is not simply the desperation of the Hicks kid to get out, or the political problems it caused for PM Howard. No, what's truly hilarious is the utter kangaroo-ness of the court.

The military judge wore his hanging robes to the occasion. First:

The plea by Mr. Hicks came after an extraordinary day in a pristine red, white and blue courtroom here. Earlier the military judge had surprised the courtroom with unexpected rulings that two of Mr. Hicks’s three lawyers would not be permitted to participate in the proceedings, leaving only Maj. Michael D. Mori of the Marine Corps at the defense table.

So, bingo! There go two out of three defense lawyers. Can't you just feel the justice?

Then:

After several acrimonious sessions in which Major Mori [the remaining defense lawyer] claimed that the judge, Colonel Ralph H. Kohlmann of the Marines, was biased, the judge insisted that he was impartial and the hearings came to a close.

So there - no bias! Col. Kohlmann says he's impartial, you can take that to the bank, pally. No need for any checks on the system. No need for any review: Georgie and Gonzo and old Rummy all check-marked that the system is fair, and let me tell you: that's good enough for you.

“I am shocked because I just lost another lawyer,” Mr. Hicks said, after the judge said that one of his two civilian defense lawyers, Joshua L. Dratel, had not complied with the judge’s rules for handling a military commission case. Mr. Dratel, a well-known lawyer in Manhattan, has been a central player in the Hicks case.

“Right now you do not represent Mr. Hicks,” said Judge Kohlmann, the presiding judge of the new military commission organization, who assigned himself to the Hicks case.

Referring to the Bush administration’s previous plan for military commission trials struck down by the Supreme Court, Mr. Dratel said in the courtroom before he left that Monday’s events showed that the new commission process was as problem-plagued as the old one.

“You cannot predict from one day to the next what the rules are,” Mr. Dratel said.

Hicks used to be (according to the Gray Lady) a kangaroo skinner. And now he's been skinned by a kangaroo court! Hah!

But seriously folks (I'll be here all week, try the veal), these are supposed to be Americans operating in an American court. Does it not sound like one of those old Soviet courts martial? Does it not sound like a modern Chinese court?

The nice prosecutor says you're a bad man and the judge agrees. And that's all it takes to be banged up for good in America. Don't think this is some put-up job - the judge says so.

The judge rejected each assertion that he was acting arbitrarily or was biased. In an even tone, but with a flushed face that suggested irritation, he methodically moved through the day’s events, turning aside each defense complaint. The defense claims, he said “do not raise matters that would cause a reasonable person to question my impartiality.”

Even before Monday’s hearing, the case against Mr. Hicks had been marked by an unusual public dispute between Mr. Hicks’s military lawyer, who has openly attacked the tribunals, and the military prosecutor.

And Monday, Major Mori was also critical of the judge, saying that some of his rulings seemed aimed at helping the government prove its case against Mr. Hicks. Major Mori said some rulings appeared to be “fixing the rules to fix their mistakes.”

I don't usually quote that much but - oye. You can't do that stuff on "Matlock."

Disgraceful.