Br'er Goldman
So, the mighty crafty US Department of Justice (DOJ) finally settled on a fitting punishment for Goldman Sachs, one of the 'too-big-to-fail' megabanks who crashed the world economy to enrich a few of their employees. They're imposing a $5 billion dollar fine on old Goldman. Or possibly much less. Whatever.
They'll never do that again!
The global economic collapse (2008 to today and the foreseeable future) was totally worth it. Our financial Betters need to aggrandize themselves, but can't do that properly without debasing all the 'takers' out there. What fun is buying a $2 million hat if the ordinary suckers don't miss a few meals over it - amIright?
To be clear, what Goldman did (and admitted to doing in the settlement, which is rare) is present toxic smelly piles of offal to investors packaged as AAA perfume. While selling this material they knew to be noxious as being made of solid gold and diamonds, Goldman also bought financial positions that would reap huge profits when the gold was inevitably revealed to be manure. Imagine buying a car from a dealership that secretly signs a life insurance policy on you because they know the car has major defects that will certainly kill you.
These investors weren't just (or even mainly) from the 1% investment class who could lose a few billion. The investors were pension funds who thought they were buying safe assets. They were funds that we depend on to safeguard our meager assets for out scanty retirements. And, of course, many of the assets were in the form of residential mortgages sold by predatory lenders. Millions of Americans lost their homes and life savings. Goldman and friends got a government bailout and gave each other six-figure bonuses.
Hey! This is America! That's not a bug - it's a feature!
Which brings us to Br'er Rabbit and Br'er Fox. I'm no good at parables, but let me try Br'er Rabbit 2016, or as I like to call it, Br'er Goldman and Br'er DOJ:
Br'er Goldman (stuck and at the mercy of Br'er DOJ): "I know I did wrong and I'm willing to pay. Please - arrest my board members and CEO as criminals - they got rich from financial fraud and made millions of people lose everything they had. Or ban me from trading in equities or bonds or mortgages so I can't repeat my terrible behavior! But please -PLEASE! Don't fine me a few billion dollars! Anything but that! Have mercy!"
Br'er DOJ: "Weeeeell... I could do anything I want. You sure did a lot of harm to lots of folks who depend on me. I'm supposed to make sure that ordinary folks aren't devastated by big-money trickery they have no chance of understanding or fighting."
Br'er Goldman: "Yes! True! I was a bad animal. Arrest all of my managers - they did crimes! Stop our business - we've proven time and again we can't be trusted to trade fairly! But don't fine us a few billion dollars! We only profit a trillion or so a year!"
Br'er DOJ: "That's it! I'm putting my foot down! $5 billion in penalties!"
Br'er Goldman: "Seriously? I skip away laughing like, every time. This is like the tenth time I've done it this year. $5 billion means nothing to me - if I even pay it. Aren't you supposed to be representing the whole country I just ripped off?"
Br'er DOJ: "Hah! You'll never do that again!"
Aaaaaaaand Scene!
They'll never do that again!
The global economic collapse (2008 to today and the foreseeable future) was totally worth it. Our financial Betters need to aggrandize themselves, but can't do that properly without debasing all the 'takers' out there. What fun is buying a $2 million hat if the ordinary suckers don't miss a few meals over it - amIright?
To be clear, what Goldman did (and admitted to doing in the settlement, which is rare) is present toxic smelly piles of offal to investors packaged as AAA perfume. While selling this material they knew to be noxious as being made of solid gold and diamonds, Goldman also bought financial positions that would reap huge profits when the gold was inevitably revealed to be manure. Imagine buying a car from a dealership that secretly signs a life insurance policy on you because they know the car has major defects that will certainly kill you.
These investors weren't just (or even mainly) from the 1% investment class who could lose a few billion. The investors were pension funds who thought they were buying safe assets. They were funds that we depend on to safeguard our meager assets for out scanty retirements. And, of course, many of the assets were in the form of residential mortgages sold by predatory lenders. Millions of Americans lost their homes and life savings. Goldman and friends got a government bailout and gave each other six-figure bonuses.
Hey! This is America! That's not a bug - it's a feature!
Which brings us to Br'er Rabbit and Br'er Fox. I'm no good at parables, but let me try Br'er Rabbit 2016, or as I like to call it, Br'er Goldman and Br'er DOJ:
Br'er Goldman (stuck and at the mercy of Br'er DOJ): "I know I did wrong and I'm willing to pay. Please - arrest my board members and CEO as criminals - they got rich from financial fraud and made millions of people lose everything they had. Or ban me from trading in equities or bonds or mortgages so I can't repeat my terrible behavior! But please -PLEASE! Don't fine me a few billion dollars! Anything but that! Have mercy!"
Br'er DOJ: "Weeeeell... I could do anything I want. You sure did a lot of harm to lots of folks who depend on me. I'm supposed to make sure that ordinary folks aren't devastated by big-money trickery they have no chance of understanding or fighting."
Br'er Goldman: "Yes! True! I was a bad animal. Arrest all of my managers - they did crimes! Stop our business - we've proven time and again we can't be trusted to trade fairly! But don't fine us a few billion dollars! We only profit a trillion or so a year!"
Br'er DOJ: "That's it! I'm putting my foot down! $5 billion in penalties!"
Br'er Goldman: "Seriously? I skip away laughing like, every time. This is like the tenth time I've done it this year. $5 billion means nothing to me - if I even pay it. Aren't you supposed to be representing the whole country I just ripped off?"
Br'er DOJ: "Hah! You'll never do that again!"
Aaaaaaaand Scene!
posted by fiduciary at 4:06 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home